Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
