Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
