I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
