Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
