I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
