He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
