This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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