i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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