Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
