Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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