sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
