i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize