Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How does it feel to date your dad?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
