You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
