Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We're too hungover to prance.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
