I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
