I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
