What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
