Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're breaking my sexual little heart
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize