Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
