after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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