Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
