I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
