with your own penis?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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