I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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