I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
