there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
