You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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