I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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