Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
