Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
