you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Randomize
