She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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