the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
