If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
