Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
