sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
