is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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