i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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