I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
