Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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