I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You ruined the universe
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
