Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
