There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize