i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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