apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
