It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
