Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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