Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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