So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
