The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
