I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just had sex on a roof
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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