yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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