so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
