you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
