I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize