It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
