Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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