She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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