He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
