all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
